This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
