escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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