when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I touched a dick in church today
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
