if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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