"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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