It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
