I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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