I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
