Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
