we have officially lost it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
