my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
