I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
