Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
