Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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