I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
