He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
