I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
