I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
