If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
