so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
