Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
