I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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