I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is an emotional support booty call
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
