in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
