After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
