his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize