I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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