i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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