I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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