he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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