Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
