We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
