idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize