i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
