we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
