If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
