forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
