I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
