There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bring money and cleavage
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
