she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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