Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
