I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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