he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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