I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
