just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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