i would punch a child for taco bell
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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