My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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