if you like me you must not know who I am
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
