I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
