you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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