also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
