She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
