What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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