my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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