hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
