Only a mothe r could love this liver
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
