I can tuck mytits in my pants
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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