I just threw up on my dentist
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
