After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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