I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
