i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
