Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
