sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
