So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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