you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
