I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
