Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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