gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
